September 12, 2012
I enjoy cocktails. No beating around the bush – a glass of wine, a vodka drink, a dirty martini, a scotch or a special of the house… they all sound delicious. So obviously, when one is in the Hamptons and having fun in the sun (meaning wine and sangria during the day and liquor at night), a partner in crime is good too. Here’s to you pahdna and Happy Birthday!
Beaumarchais. Fancy name. Fancy address. A reservation here means securing a babysitter and having a civilized dinner in a nice restaurant right? If that’s the direction you’re thinking in, try taking a step back and putting on jeans, some carefully placed ink and a crumpled v-neck if you’re a dude and a micro mini that does not cover your caboose if you’re a gal. Yup, welcome to da club. Luckily, our crewsome of four caught ourselves covered both ways by showing up as adults, but adults who’d been drinking for a few solid hours pre-arrival (well, at least the dudes were). Once seated, if you happen to be a married couple who enjoys people watching other married types while enjoying good food at a restaurant, welcome to a complete change-of-pace delight as you gawk at young, too young and early-20’s carefree revelers parade by in a stream of random hookups from your youth, most likely (we think) caused by déjà vu. Lil View is not allowed on the premises until 2042. The menu is pretty simple and straightforward with 3-4 salads, a few appetizers, couple of pastas and a few fish and beef entrees. We decided to start with the Burrata, which has to be good because all cheese is delicious, and the Truffled Ravioli, which has to be good because all pasta is delicious. Well, turns out the cheese guy was downstairs in the kitchen bathroom and the sous chef was staring at the 20-somethings instead of cooking the ravioli, because we were wrong on both counts. Stiff Burrata and cold Ravioli. At this point you should just go with the flow and (a) order more vodka, and (b) order more bad food, because it’s fun! For mains, we ordered one Scallops, one Nicoise with no tuna, one Filet medium rare and one Steak Frites medium. The Nicoise, while obviously not a true Nicoise since it had no tuna, was not remotely enjoyed by its owner (and preggers deserved a good meal!), while the Scallops were rejected by SheView’s distinguished scallop palate. The steaks were good for a bite or two, but that joy quickly dissipated as we got into the meaty part of the meat. Truth be told, the fries were very good – maybe they were flown in? The end result of the evening had two of us with plenty of drinks being drunk and staying for a bit to make sure the kitchen closed down ok, but not until we had the ridiculous and obnoxious dessert served in a giant sundae glass with a sparkler. In a restaurant like this where the kitchen serves less utility than the bar and the crowd, the most you can hope to leave with is a couple of shekels in your pocket and less of a stomachache than the hangover you know you’ll have the next day. 44 Three Mile Harbor Road | East Hampton (212) 675-2400
September 12, 2012
Untz untz and restaurant don’t mix. At least for me… a thirty+ mom/writer/wife/complainer who doles out major dough for childcare both night and day (don't get me started on the terrible twos pre 2, nonetheless)! The days of shares in the Hamptons are over but the sharing of a house is well, not. In these economic times, sharing is key but barbecueing instead of dining out may not be.
Beaumarchais, right by Nick& Toni's (hot spot foreva) is located on Three Mile Road in East Hampton, very posh. It might scream blinking lights of caution or dismay when other Hampton summerers/friends come screeching out of their BMW SUV to warn you about this impending disaster of a dining experience and well, not to attempt it... but, we move forward...ignoring their sage words. Upon walking into this trendazoid bar scene/late night party restaurant you have become abruptly aware that you are not here for the dining experience (which is not always a bad thing). Beaumarchais' decor is set up more like a night club (white everything, cheesy chandeliers, DJs spinning The Hot 40s in party remix renditions). In another life, quite possibly a decade ago (ah, I’m not that old, so less than a decade but many a year ago) this craziness for dinner might’ve been the ultimate go-to or the perfect place for a birthday or girl/guy special occasion. Now, not so much. We were placed right under the DJ booth, not ideal but our party-loving untz untz enjoying partners and people-pleasing HeView didn't make a fuss about it, so I did something very UN ME and went with it. As 9:00pm came upon us, the restaurant was filled to the brim and every table was occupied. What were my friends initially yapping about when they approached us in a tizzy about foregoing the joint?? We ordered salads, Burrata with Tomato (a huge summer pleaser) and a Ravioli with Cheese and Peas to begin which all arrived in a blink of an eye, as tables are turned very quickly here (pun intended). All the eats were mediocre at best but the vodka was poured thick (so shortly into your dining experience, or lack thereof, your vision, sense of smell and taste are hazed and blurry). Our Steak Frites, Scallop main and Nicoise salad came next, squealing with sodium, ugly and rather vile but by this point the foci was more on the tightly wrapped bandage dresses, the scene and the people we may have known in our past single lives/hooked up with, etc. Huge ice cream sundaes adorned with a massive sparkler were shoved into the middle of many a table’s meal (for casually, 40$), in which our drunk and so-lovable friend/dining companion/summer roomie HAD to order and not really eat. I love my sweets and this was just a massive ice cream float of Reddiwhip. I could have gotten this in two cans for 4.50 at King Kullen and enjoyed a whippit or two :) Us girlies left after the sundae disaster and as the skinny and not-so-skinny girls pranced up on their tables to dance and grind, this place was not my scene and officially in the later hours, really not my scene. HeView and best pal stayed for the voyeurism and capacity to drink more without wife judgment and I was shocked to hear later that they didn't tap the night off with Jason Kidd and Alessandra Ambosio @ SL East right next door. Maybe they knew too that they were a decade, less or more, too old and a bit too gameless for that. To wrap this up with a silver bow, our infuriated friends in the parking lot got it right, Beaumarchais is not the place you want to dine if you actually want to eat and linger; Beaumarchais instead is a place to get wasted, mingle with the new and used of the past or watch all within a short distance. I think Lil View will see this place before I see it again. 44 Three Mile Harbor Road | East Hampton (212) 675-2400