Untz untz and restaurant don’t mix. At least for me… a thirty+ mom/writer/wife/complainer who doles out major dough for childcare both night and day (don't get me started on the terrible twos pre 2, nonetheless)! The days of shares in the Hamptons are over but the sharing of a house is well, not. In these economic times, sharing is key but barbecueing instead of dining out may not be.
Beaumarchais, right by Nick& Toni's (hot spot foreva) is located on Three Mile Road in East Hampton, very posh. It might scream blinking lights of caution or dismay when other Hampton summerers/friends come screeching out of their BMW SUV to warn you about this impending disaster of a dining experience and well, not to attempt it... but, we move forward...ignoring their sage words. Upon walking into this trendazoid bar scene/late night party restaurant you have become abruptly aware that you are not here for the dining experience (which is not always a bad thing). Beaumarchais' decor is set up more like a night club (white everything, cheesy chandeliers, DJs spinning The Hot 40s in party remix renditions). In another life, quite possibly a decade ago (ah, I’m not that old, so less than a decade but many a year ago) this craziness for dinner might’ve been the ultimate go-to or the perfect place for a birthday or girl/guy special occasion. Now, not so much. We were placed right under the DJ booth, not ideal but our party-loving untz untz enjoying partners and people-pleasing HeView didn't make a fuss about it, so I did something very UN ME and went with it. As 9:00pm came upon us, the restaurant was filled to the brim and every table was occupied. What were my friends initially yapping about when they approached us in a tizzy about foregoing the joint?? We ordered salads, Burrata with Tomato (a huge summer pleaser) and a Ravioli with Cheese and Peas to begin which all arrived in a blink of an eye, as tables are turned very quickly here (pun intended). All the eats were mediocre at best but the vodka was poured thick (so shortly into your dining experience, or lack thereof, your vision, sense of smell and taste are hazed and blurry). Our Steak Frites, Scallop main and Nicoise salad came next, squealing with sodium, ugly and rather vile but by this point the foci was more on the tightly wrapped bandage dresses, the scene and the people we may have known in our past single lives/hooked up with, etc. Huge ice cream sundaes adorned with a massive sparkler were shoved into the middle of many a table’s meal (for casually, 40$), in which our drunk and so-lovable friend/dining companion/summer roomie HAD to order and not really eat. I love my sweets and this was just a massive ice cream float of Reddiwhip. I could have gotten this in two cans for 4.50 at King Kullen and enjoyed a whippit or two :) Us girlies left after the sundae disaster and as the skinny and not-so-skinny girls pranced up on their tables to dance and grind, this place was not my scene and officially in the later hours, really not my scene. HeView and best pal stayed for the voyeurism and capacity to drink more without wife judgment and I was shocked to hear later that they didn't tap the night off with Jason Kidd and Alessandra Ambosio @ SL East right next door. Maybe they knew too that they were a decade, less or more, too old and a bit too gameless for that. To wrap this up with a silver bow, our infuriated friends in the parking lot got it right, Beaumarchais is not the place you want to dine if you actually want to eat and linger; Beaumarchais instead is a place to get wasted, mingle with the new and used of the past or watch all within a short distance. I think Lil View will see this place before I see it again. 44 Three Mile Harbor Road | East Hampton (212) 675-2400